When Life is Interrupted

Here's The Beeb and his wife,
"Aunt Elaine from Spain" at
a family brunch last summer.

Bored Beeb with Elainey

My mother and her sister were very close, and consequently, my sister and I and our two cousins are very close.  We were raised almost like a brother and three sisters. I consider my cousins' children to be my nephews.  Our boy cousin (or as I used to refer to him, our big-boy cousin) is the second oldest of the four.  We grew up calling him "Beebo," or "The Beeb."  To this day, if he leaves a message on my phone, it begins, "Hi Auntie Juju, it's The Beeb." 

The Beeb and Elainey showing off their Chanukah
gifts I knitted for them last year.

My nephews in their Chanukah hats.

This past Tuesday, The Beeb took a fall and is now in ICU.  Life slowed to a crawl.  I've spent hour upon hour in the hospital watching him lay there in an induced coma.  As the medication levels were reduced and the coma receded, he began to attempt to get out of bed.  He'd try to rip the cast off of his broken arm.  It was good that he was moving around, but we didn't want him to move around too much, thus pulling all his tubes and monitors out.  He hasn't said a word, but a couple days ago, he began to open his eyes when the nurse would shout his name in his face.  

During this time, I've sat, with his wife and his parents, his sister and his friends, and watched.  I've kept his wife company.  I've brought an iPod with speakers so we could play music he likes.  We've tried to make conversation, about each other's health, work, the weather, politics.  Once, a nurse shouted his name in his face and he opened his eyes with such an expression of annoyance on his face that we all had to laugh.  His son, imitating what he must be thinking, said "Why would you do that?  I was sound asleep!"  We all cracked up.  The Beeb groaned.  Silence.

Lots of times, I'd be there alone with him.  Sometimes I'd try to hold his hand or put a cool cloth on his forehead.  I tried to think of things to say.

"If you think this means you're not going to see Siegel Schwall with me in September, you can forget it.  You're going."

"Look, Beebo, my family has gotten small enough in the past few years.  I can't spare anyone else.  You'd just better recover."

Beyond that, I sat and crocheted.  I've been working on coming up with some new and original motifs. I want to be part of that great wave of granny squares sweeping the nation.  Sitting there watching my cousin, wondering if he's really in there somewhere or if we've lost him for good, my hook has been going a-mile-a-minute.  Chain chain chain, connect with sl st.  Hmm let's see.  I'll try this, then that.... and before I knew it, I had what I've decided to call the Chrysanthemum Hexagon.

And then yesterday, a miracle happened.  Elaine's brother and wife, having come in from out of town, were sitting at his bedside when I walked in.  I whispered, "Beebo?  It's Jilly."  He opened his eyes and looked right at me, and then reached up his arms for me.  I kissed him and held his hands.  The nurse snapped at me that by touching him, I was making him more agitated.  I started to pull away, and he wrapped his arms around my arm.  So I sat there with him, rubbing his shoulder and telling him I knew how annoying this must be, but he had to try to lie still.  The nurse told me he didn't know what he was doing and didn't know it was I sitting there.  Later, his brother-in-law (a doctor) said "He absolutely knew it was you.  You're so good with him.  It's amazing."

I don't know if he'll come all the way back.  But I do know he's in there.  And I know what I saw.  He responded to the voice of someone who loves him.  Maybe he didn't know it was I; but he knew someone was there who loved him, and he held on to that.  So at least we have that.  That and the Chrysanthemum Hexagon.

Who knows, maybe today he'll sit up and talk.........and I'll have designed a dress!

Post Script:  Visited again today.  Told him we'd had pizza at Lou Malnati's.  He whispered, "I hate you."  I could have wept for joy.  He's back!